Written by Brad
(An old relationship comes to an end, but does a new one start?)
I sat there staring at the empty wheelchair in the corner.
Because of my tears, I was barely able to make out the legal document I held in my hand. It was the Last Will and Testament of Conrad Stuart Flynn. This week had been emotionally draining and so very, very hard!
My best friend, Conrad, had passed away three days ago. I had barely made it back in time to say goodbye and receive his last-minute instructions for me as the executor of his will. This morning we had laid him to rest and this afternoon, under the glaring disapproval of his father, I had read out his last wishes and begun the distribution of all his worldly possessions.
Glancing at the clock on the mantel, I noticed it was after eight o’clock. I sighed deeply as I put the papers down on the desk and picked up the small manila envelope lying there. Opening it, I removed the folded sheet of paper, causing the object inside to land on the blotter with a soft thud.
Holding the one-page letter in my left hand, I lifted the object with my right. I slowly read Conrad’s final words while rubbing my thumb over the surface of the item in my hand.
The note written in Con’s large, flowing script took my breath away and left me mesmerized.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Conrad and I had met our first day at the Police Academy. Coming from completely opposite spectrums of the social scale, we had very little in common, or so we thought.
I had lost my parents in a house fire when I was six years old. My father had been a police officer. His partner, Ben Ashton, and Ben’s wife, Lucy, had raised me as their own and are still very much involved in my life. I love them and will always consider them more than just foster parents.
Conrad, on the other hand, had been born with the proverbial silver spoon in his mouth.
I had joined the police force to follow in both my fathers’ footsteps. Conrad joined because his father told him he couldn’t. We graduated together, became best friends and eventually partners in the Homicide division of our local law enforcement agency.
We shared a loft in the older part of the city. We love the location with the busy street below us. Conrad’s father once again tried to interfere and prevent him from moving there. Flynn, Sr. didn’t think it appropriate for his son to live on the wrong side of the tracks and with someone who was not his social equal.
We had many of the same friends, interests and hobbies. One other thing we had in common; we were both gay. Although we shared a home, were working partners and best friends and loved each other; we were never lovers.
Our lives had come crashing down just over four years ago. Our last bust had turned sour. I had walked away; Conrad had left the scene in an ambulance. I escaped with minor injuries; Conrad was left semi-paralyzed from his lower back downward with multiple health problems. I quit the force; he went on permanent disability.
We decided to stay in the loft because Con was comfortable there and once again because his father said he couldn’t. With Con’s encouragement, I took the final step needed to follow my long-time dream. I began to write and I didn’t let my experience as a homicide detective go to waste. Under the penname of Blaze Dalton, I have become a published author of mystery novels and use cold-case files as my resource material. It involves a lot of traveling, but it gives me purpose and I am invigorated by it.
I returned from my first trip a year after Con’s rehabilitation to discover we had a roommate of sorts. Like many of our friends, I couldn’t understand what he saw in the kid. Over time I learned what it was these two apparently mismatched people actually gave to each other.
Only twenty-two at the time, Raven was ten years Con’s junior and eight years mine. Con had found him literally facedown in a gutter outside a neighborhood gay-bar. The kid could not hold his liquor worth shit. Con had been able to persuade a couple of our friends to help get the kid back to the loft, cleaned-up, stripped and put to bed. The kid was struggling with life in general and had few if any friends, probably because he had absolutely no social skills. Although he had a fine arts degree, he was unable to find more than a part-time job and that proved to be unstable. All and all, the kid was floundering, big time! That is until Con took him under his wing.
Conrad provided Raven with the stability of a permanent home and someone to care about him. He offered structure by suggesting goals and setting up guidelines. He gave the calming security the kid needed to stay focused and avoid self-destruction.
In return Raven fulfilled Con’s need to nurture and protect someone. He supplied companionship on multiple levels and gave physical assistance as needed. Over the past several weeks as Con’s health deteriorated, it was Raven who furnished the 24/7 nursing care needed to enable Con to spend his remaining days in the familiar surroundings of his own home.
Over the three years of their partnership, Conrad never made any effort to hide the various aspects of their relationship. Raven’s needs and Con’s meeting of those needs were often evident during the times we were all together.
I will always remember the time I witnessed Raven going through a meltdown. He had worked himself up over a work project and was in mid-tantrum when Conrad gently called to him, “Raven, come to me.”
When the kid got within reach, Conrad took his hand and drew him down on to his lap. “Calm down, my love. It’s going to be all right.”
“No! I can’t! The colors just won’t blend into the shades I want,” Raven wailed against Conrad’s shoulder. “I can’t do it.”
“Yes you can, Shop-kitten. You just need to take a breather and stand-back a bit. Leave it until tomorrow. It’s okay, baby. I’m here. You don’t have to do it alone.” Conrad’s soothing voice gradually reached the overwhelmed young man and I watched in amazement as Raven slowly calmed down enough to actually fall asleep.
I sat there on the end of the sofa as Con maneuvered his wheelchair into their bedroom to settle his partner in bed for the night.
“You handled that very nicely,” I commented after he returned to the living area. “It looked like you have had plenty of practice.”
“You should see us dancing!” He smiled as he moved the chair in time to the music playing in the background. I laughed at his demonstration and enjoyed the easy camaraderie of the moment.
Although I was aware of the lifestyle they chose to live, I can still recall my surprise the first time I saw Conrad discipline Raven. The kid had been in a slow burn all afternoon. He had refused to talk about whatever was bothering him even though Con had asked several times. He had pouted his way through dinner, fumed and stomped during the cleanup afterwards. But it was when his rough handling of the dishes ended with him throwing a pot that Conrad finally put a stop to the fast-approaching storm.
“Get over here, Raven!” he ordered as he raised the arms on his chair.
I stood transfixed as Conrad hauled the young man around to his right side, yanked down the kid’s jeans and boxers and using his superior upper-body strength, pulled Raven across his knees.
“I realize you’re upset about something, but this display of temper is going to stop right now.” Conrad raised his hand and brought it down with a hard resounding smack on Raven’s bare bottom. He continued the assault until Raven’s backside was red and sore and the kid was crying loudly.
Conrad lifted the sobbing young man to sit him on his lap, pulled off the damp T-shirt the kid was wearing and used it to wipe away the tears, snot, and sweat from Raven’s face. He removed the rest of Raven’s clothing and, grabbing a throw off the end of the sofa, gently wrapped it around his still sniffling partner. He then began a comforting barrage of words to reassure the young man that all was forgiven.
Con looked up at me and we exchanged nods of understanding. Once again I was more than impressed with his handling of the situation and I realized I would in all likelihood have handled it in a similar manner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I re-read the letter as I continued to caress the metal object in my right hand.
My Dearest Friend:
Three of my greatest joys in life have been your friendship, my badge and my Brat. Your friendship I take with me. My badge I bequeath to you. I can only pray that my shield will help you find the closure you seek, as you refused to keep your own. My final and very personal request is that you watch over Raven.
If I could have one wish for you, my friend, it would be that you would find a special someone to share your life with. I wish that you and Raven could find that special someone in each other but that is not a decision for me to make; you and he must follow your own hearts.
For almost a year now, I have felt that, like me, you had learned to care a great deal for this beautiful young man. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Raven thinks the world of you. I also realize neither of you would have let your feelings develop further for fear of hurting me. For this I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am content with the hope that the two of you will have a future together.
Bran, you and Raven are the only people I have ever loved unconditionally with every fiber of my being. Although I am no longer with you, I trust my memory will remain with you both.
Your eternal friend,
Con
I folded the sheet of paper and put it back in the envelope. I planned to let Raven read it in the morning, as I know Con would have wanted me to.
Looking at the badge I held in my hand, I finally acknowledged it was over. Con was right! I had been so pissed off and devastated with the results of that last bust, blaming the lack of sufficient well-timed backup as the reason for Con’s injuries, I had rejected the opportunity to keep the badge I had worked so hard to earn and honor. Strange as it seemed to me, Con’s was now a treasured keepsake.
Con was also right in his assumption that I cared for Raven. I could only hope he was equally correct in saying Raven cared for me.
The evening had slipped away during the time I’d spent reminiscing. I wanted to see how Raven was holding up, so getting to my feet I turned down the lights and quietly entered the bedroom where I had left him sleeping. I hoped he would still be asleep but he wasn’t. I could hear him softly crying as I neared the bed. Sitting down on the side of the bed, I pulled him up to hold him.
Raven wrapped his arms around me and clung to my shirt. “I knew he couldn’t stay with me forever but three years wasn’t long enough,” he sobbed before choking out, “I don’t want to be alone again.”
I tightened my arms to hold him closer. “It’s okay, little one. I’m here. You’re not alone.” I kept repeating the same phrases over and over, rocking him, kissing his head and massaging his back until he relaxed against me. “Raven, Con promised he’d see to it you were taken care of. He’s kept his promise. Will you let me be the one to be there for you?”
“How can you do that when you’re on the road so much?” he asked. A look of confusion mixed with hope crossed his tear-streaked face.
“We’ll just have to travel together.”
He nodded his agreement moments before he fell asleep in my arms and I was left wondering where the path we had each placed a tentative foot on would lead us.
The End
